I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
