My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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