can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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