Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
