i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
