remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
home. puking in laundry basket.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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