Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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