remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
