Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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