i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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