3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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