I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
