I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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