You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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