Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
