By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
