OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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