I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
