a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
