Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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