The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
