"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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