nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
