aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
