I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize