The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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