Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize