You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Terrible idea I love it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
