too bad you live with your parents still
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
