Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
the raccoons are back...
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