i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
