well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize