I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
