Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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