First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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