My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
