this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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