My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
