i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
