i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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