He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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