We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
