Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
