There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
