Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
