Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
