After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
