3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize