Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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