my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
