remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
