And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
