I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
