The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So many bounce houses so little time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
