She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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