My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
