I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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