I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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