Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
