Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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