a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
