she woke up with a sticky ear
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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