Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
