so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
