I puked a lego.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
