Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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