He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
