I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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