A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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