so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize