so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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