I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
