on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
