You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
